The Chore Fairy

Posted on May 8, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment

Everyone always talks about The Tooth Fairy

But what about The Chore Fairy

Surely my husband and son must believe in her

Without The Chore Fairy, how would things like

The empty toilet paper get replaced

The ice cube trays and Brita filled

The permission slips filled out

Snacks and water packed for outings

The social calendar updated

The spare bandaid thrown in the purse

The dishwasher loaded

School papers filed away

And with all this, I just have one question

Why doesn’t The Chore Fairy get money under HER pillow

Wishing all The Chore Fairy’s out there a very Happy Mother’s Day.

Doing the laundry and ashes are in the fireplace

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15 years later I’m still in San Francisco

Posted on March 10, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment

I moved from NYC to San Francisco in 1998 for a job thinking I wouldn’t last more than 2 years out west. Afterall, I was a New Yawker. I remembering my first couple of months walking the streets looking for the hustle and bustle never really to be found. I couldn’t get a Dunkin’ Donuts, I couldn’t find an Asian market with a salad bar at every corner (which now I’m quite thankful of thinking back how glazed and old the food looked) and the list of East Coast kvetching goes on.


Then slowly things began to change.
I couldn’t get over how beautiful the city was and how each neighborhood was so unique to the next one.
I loved how everything was so vibrant and how people spent their weekends outdoors whether a hike or shopping at the farmers market.
You can travel 45 minutes outside the city and feel like you are thousands of miles away either with a peaceful hike with some amazing vista or touring a family owned winery off the beaten path.
The people are incredibly smart and innovation is just ingrained in the spirit of the city.
It’s a city where you can’t help becoming a food snob because the expectation for good food is so high whether a five start restaurant or take out chinese
Most importantly  my son does not see color or same sex parents as different or not ‘normal’ it’s just how it is

After 15 years, I finally call San Francisco my home. I met my husband here, gave birth to my son, bought a house, became a part of an incredible school community and finally got a dog.

It is not without guilt I call this wonderful city home as our families are both on the East Coast and at times painful to be so far away and removed. When we visit, we soak up all the things we miss out here such as New England beaches, steamers, bagels that taste like something, use of the word ‘wicked’ and non stop talk of the Red Sox and hatred for the Yankees. And after 15 years, I will be driving over the magical Golden Gate bridge 5 days a week where to this day, it still feels like it’s a set prop with the picture perfect city in the distant.

And with that, I leave you with one of my favorite songs about San Francisco by the Lucksmiths called ‘The Chapter In Your Life Entitled San Francisco.’

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A Blog from our New Dog

Posted on January 31, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment


If you’ve read the Art of Racing in the Rain, you know that dogs observe a lot more than you think. In appreciation for that wonderful book, I thought I would blog about my first week with my new parents. For ease of identifying  the important cast of characters in the household, I’ll be referring to them as the following:

Characters at my new home:

  • Boy in Charge
  • Man with Remote
  • Tall Running Woman
  • The Competitor (AKA vacuum cleaner)

First a bit about myself. I’m about 1 years old and recently had 6 six puppies. I didn’t plan on having more so I got spayed. Sadly I was given up which landed me in a very nice shelter in the North Bay where they served organic dog food. Only in Northern California. My current owners are friends with people that were fostering me and they all thought I was the greatest but the friends already had two dogs. My owners have been wanting a dog but afraid to make the commitment until they met me. Sound like any relationships you’ve had?

I’ve almost been here a week and I’m really enjoying myself. The first day we went to Park Chalet, which has outdoor seating, which is basically equivalent to Safeway Marina for young singles in San Francisco. There are  packs of single good looking dogs at that restaurant. Sunday was pretty mellow but I did get to meet the next door neighbor’s dog Nellie and it seems there is BFF potential. She’s still a puppy but we get along despite her trying to win the affections of Man with Remote. I have my eye on her.

Monday came and that’s when things started to change. In the morning there is a lot of commotion. Boy in Charge is often called BOY IN CHARGE as Tall Running Woman and Man with Remote are constantly talking loudly at him. I kind of stay out of the way until Boy in Charge is picked up. Then Man with Remote goes off for the day and sometimes we drop him off. Tall Running Woman comes home and sits at the kitchen table for a very long time  at her computer. She often takes breaks to use ‘The Competitor’ which looks like a robot which sucks up all the good stuff left on the floor. It’s also very loud and annoying when it happens. When midday comes we take a long walk which I really enjoy as I wag my tail. Then she stares at her computer more until it’s time to pick up Boy in Charge and his loud friends or wait for him to come home. That is fun until Tall Running Woman and Boy in Charge ignore me to eat and do his work. When Man with Remote comes home I run around him fast about 5 times because I really want his approval.

Boy in Charge is a very sweet to me but sometimes doesn’t realize his actions like when he elbows my belly, lays down next to me and hogs my bed or pulls my tail. I still like him though and sleep with him at night because that’s the only bed or furniture I’m allowed on. That brings me to training. Lucikly for these owners, I’m very well trained. They are very nice people but I think a puppy would be overwhelming for them. They talk about my bathroom schedule non stop and sometimes make me do tricks with the wrong command. I know what they mean, but I need to train them more than they need to train me.

Well, that’s about it so far. My only gripe so far is I seem to listen more than Boy in Charge but he gets more treats and toys.

- Roxie Rae
Wired Mommy’s New Dog

Getting a dog - Wired Mommy

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My Anti 2013 New Year’s Resolution List

Posted on December 5, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment

A Messy Home is a Happy House

I have tangential thinking. So a thought gets in my head and I basically do a rant which I then share with all of you whether you like it or not. Hopefully more like than not. This rant started when I once again read this very irritating cute and viral sign going around. Instead of smiling, it made me extremely annoyed. I know it was supposed to have the exact opposite effect but the thing is I still strive to have a neat home (as I’m writing this my kitchen is a disaster) so does that mean I have an unhappy kid? I like my laundry put away, clean floors, and a feeling of sparse around the home. And yes, sometimes I feel guilty for cleaning up the kitchen when my son is asking me to play but he still gets a lot of my time and one could even argue too much being an OC (reference here for the acronym).  And to be honest, when the house is a mess that makes it a very unhappy home.  Just asked the big and little man.

So in the spirit of resisting change and acceptance, I’m making an ‘Anti New Year’s Resolution’  list of things that won’t change with the New Year.

  • I will never have a third pile of laundry. It either goes in darks or lights so be prepared for the results (my sister-in-law would scream in horror).
  • I will not go out more during the week. In theory this is wonderful and in practice it makes me super cranky.
  • I will not read more. I love to read but the fact is when I have time it’s before bed and I get through 3 lines before I fall asleep so it’s highly unlikely that is going to change.
  • I will not workout more. I workout enough. I probably need to do less but not changing that.
  • I will not go through mail more regularly and continue to find out about appointments until after they passed.
  • I WILL NOT CLEAN LESS

Are you with me? Any New Year Resolutions you aren’t going to do?

Deb

- Wired Mommy

 

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Grieving and Relief for My Mentally Ill Mother

Posted on October 20, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment

My mother passed away on September 7, 2012. Today would have been her 70th birthday. Here’s to her and hoping she’s in a better place. 

As I sit here grieving for my mother who passed away recently, the day before my sister’s wedding to be exact, my thoughts and pain are unlike most bereavement I have experienced.  Since I remember, she was in and out of mental institutions, had shock therapy treatments and was on medication to help her to try to live a ‘normal’ life with schizophrenia. For the most part, my sister and I have very few happy memories of our childhood.  After years of trying to help my mother, my father had to finally let go and they divorced when I was 12 years old. The relief and the guilt I felt was immense.

Throughout my twenties, I struggled with issues from eating disorders to obsessive-compulsive disorders as to gain control of my life that I didn’t have growing up. I was afraid of intimacy and more importantly, becoming my mother. My sister experienced similar issues, which also affected her self-esteem and relationships.  Our relationship with each other was extremely tumultuous, as we couldn’t move on from our past and our roles growing up.

We are now in our 40’s and have friends who wish they had relationships with their sisters like we do. It was an arduous and long journey but through different measures, we both were able to move forward and now recognize and laugh about our idiosyncrasies. I am happily married and just celebrated my 10-year anniversary with my husband. My sister recently found her life partner and we just celebrated their wedding. We live on separate coasts but I was still able to be a large part of the wedding planning details and honored to be her Matron of Honor. I flew home earlier than my husband and son so I could help her with the coordination and last minute details. At 3:00 am, officially the day before the wedding, she came in to my room to let me know our ailing mother had died. She had been in a long term facility and doing well for the last 4 years until the past few months when she took a turn for the worse. She had recently had in house hospice care and the staff said they saw no transition signs that her death was imminent. No tears were shed between my sister and I that night, at least when we were in the same room.

We agreed to make the funeral arrangements and then to stop talking about it until after the wedding.  As my sister and I were both cursing at my Mom for the timing and one very final memory of the obstacles she had put forth on us, our close friends and family all had similar thoughts. They believed this was my Mom’s way of setting my sister free and allowing her to start afresh with her new life and husband. I am not a religious person, but at the same time it is hard not to think this was the power of something bigger given the timing with the wedding and that my sister and I were together.

The same morning a good friend’s mother passed away. It was hard not to dwell on how different our grieving experiences were. He was grieving for the memories and the absence he will feel with his mother gone. I am grieving over the reminder of the absence of my mother my entire life and how unkind the world had been to her.  I am again relieved but this time for both my mother and myself.

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The Parent Code Revealed

Posted on September 23, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment

Congratulations on your first child
Remember to leave your past behind
No more being spontaneous and wild
Life as you know it is not as kind

Sleep was once a treasured pastime
And remember how you could sleep through everything
Now woken up by screams and whines
And the slightest sound of a ping

Oh how you loved to go out when a friend would call
Grab your purse and phone and head out the door
Now pack a bag with wipes, diapers, pacifier, formula and more
Just to take a simple trip to the local mall

Date nights are far and few in between
And now that baby is eating solids you can all dine out
You are hoping for baby’s best but understand why the waitress turns mean
You vow never to do it again with a big loud shout

Then infancy is gone and so is the non-stop bawling
And you are so pleased for the next stage
Which includes the exciting milestone of crawling
When you realize baby’s frustration has replaced bawling with rage

Celebrate that baby is walking and learning
As you quickly become baby’s shadow
And crossing the street with only 1 light turning
Is the biggest feat of today and tomorrow

Before you know it baby is laughing and talking
And you try so hard to understand every word
And when you fail to understand the balking
The screams and sounds get louder and more absurd

Taking a plane ride has never been fun
And now with baby it’s hard to fly and stay still
You are just hoping you sit near another little one
So you don’t have to pay for everyone’s drink bill

So embrace these years as they go by too fast
And try to remember why you decided to leave your past
And also remember to keep the parent code
And never reveal  this to others, until they are in pregnancy mode

sshh

- Wired Mommy

P.S. Of course I still miss those years despite the cynicism.

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When the Husband’s Away the Wife will Play

Posted on August 29, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment

Control of the remotes

So did I get your attention. Unfortunately, the post isn’t going to be nearly as juicy as it sounds. In the past few years, my husband’s company has been acquired and then the aquiring company has acquired more companies making him travel more than he did in the past. I hate when he travels. As soon as he tells me he has a trip, I kind of get a sinking feeling in my stomache. I imagine the plane crashing and getting the phone call or someone showing up at my door. I always go to the worst case scenario. I also hate sleeping without him and constantly hear noises at night and most importantly, who am I going to bitch to about my day.

The day of the flight I’ve come to terms and once he texts me he has landed, I have a big sigh of relief. And then, as the day(s) go on, I embrace my single mother status.

  • Full control of the remote. So much so I started watching Gossip Girls the past couple of nights. I think I may have lost some brain cells from it but it’s a price you have to pay.
  • Limited cooking. I’m a vegetarian and my husband is a meatatarian so dinners are sometimes separate (and challenging) so I catch a break
  • Computer and paper free dining room table
  • The bathroom doesn’t smell like a urinal since it’s a 1:1 ratio when he’s away
  • I only have to get one person out the door in the morning

It’s the simple pleasures really. Of course I can write this on the Eve he returns since there is light at the end fo the tunnel.

Miss you sweetie. Really.

- Wired Mommy

 

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Happy Mother’s Day to Me

Posted on May 13, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment

Happy Mother's DAyYesterday morning was a test of motherhood. The passing of our first pet; Victoria the Goldfish. I was much happier last year when my son lost his tooth on Mother’s Day. My son really hasn’t had to deal with a human death yet so this was a good trial run. As we comforted him, and ourselves as well, and talked through and continue to answer questions about it, it felt like a milestone moment as a Mom. This Mother’s Day, instead of being sarcastic and self deprecating like I am the other 364 days of the year, I am going to remind myself that I am a good Mom instead of focusing on what I could and should do better.

I know I’m not alone with these feelings. I’ve yet to meet the mother who thinks she’s got it all under control. So here’s to you as well!

I am a good mother because:

  • I make sure he is safe
  • I comfort him when he is sad, mad, scared, and confused
  • I make sure he’s involved in activities and play dates
  • I’m involved in his school (luckily my schedule permits that right now)
  • We make each other laugh and love when we are goofy together
  • When he is sick, he wants his mother
  • I make most holidays a big deal and celebration
  • I read to him and do puzzles
  • I talk to his teachers if there is a concern or issue
  • I taught him to ride his bike
  • I feed him mostly nutritious meals
  • I also love seeing him indulge in less healthy snacks and meals
  • I teach him to be respectful and kind to other
  • I make sure his home is comfortable and inviting

And best of all, I just asked my son why he thought I was a good mother and said, “Your pretty nice.”

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing women out there and especially the one’s doing it without a partner to help.

- Deb

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Posted in Moms

A [strong] argument for having a second

Posted on March 12, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment

I’ve blogged about a similar topic when people were asking us when we were going to have a second child. As our son gets older and a little more aware, I’ve noticed he thinks he’s more entitled. From experience, I will tell you know matter how much you try not to raise the stereotypical ‘only child’, you still fail. I don’t mean you fail as a parent, but the sheer fact of having only one child in the household lends itself to certain behaviors both for the parents and the child.

Of recent, I’ve noticed my son thinks of the house as a democracy whereas I would like him to view it more as a soft tyranny. It finally dawned on me why this was happening. He thinks he’s an equal. He has no other little minions running around to make him realize, “Oh, you don’t get to make decisions either. We must be the children and they are the bosses.”

Now, of course one can argue we are not strict enough with him. And maybe that’s true to some degree, but when my father spoke, I listened. I think I hear him laughing even as I’m writing this. Here are some common discussions around the house.  I will refer to him as OC; Only Child thinks it stands for Outrageously Cute.

  • OC and my husband arguing over the remote (I’m not even in the running)
  • OC trying to veto the restaurant we pick
  • OC complaining that he has to pick up all his toys

I just wanted to enlighten those that may be on the fence about having a second. Most often, people will tell you it’s great to have a sibling to play with and grow old with. I am here to tell you the unspoken reason which is so your children know their place in the family. Just saying.

Raising an only child

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I miss my crack

Posted on January 13, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment

I have run marathons, gone without sleep for 35 hours traveling to Europe, survived the infant stage, yet nothing would prepare me for the first caffeine free day. I sat curled over my laptop trying to concentrate. Silly me for giving it up on a workday. I took a power nap, got fresh air at lunch and still felt like I got hit by a truck. At least that pain would have been over quickly unlike the caffeine withdrawal.

This was not my choice. Not a New Year’s Resolution. I’m not sure who would be crazy enough to give up caffeine by their own choice. It was a recommendation from my doctor as I was experiencing some fast heart beats which I had a feeling might be from the increase in caffeine over the years. Actually, the conversation went like this.Mommy on too much caffeine

Doctor: Is this ever triggered by exercise (she knows I’m a runner)

Me: No

Doctor: [Takes blood pressure, does EKG] Everything looks normal. What I want you to do is give up caffeine and alcohol to see if that solves the issue.

Me: No thanks. I’ll give up one or the other, not both. Doesn’t she remember I’m a parent???

Doctor: [Chuckles] Ok, let’s start with the caffeine

So there I am, one minute a caffeine lovin’/borderline addict having to switch to decaf (though trace amounts of caffeine) and herbal tea. I told my husband when he got home and by the look on his face I think he was more scared for what was to come than me. Surprisingly, after the first three days, I started to feel better. By the 2nd week I was getting used to it and by the third week I was even enjoying myself better. Don’t get me wrong, every morning I would love to have a cup of the real stuff and on Wednesdays I used to drive to the ultimate crack place called Philz. Caffeine drinkers, if you have not experienced this Bay Area treasure of Turkish style coffee by the cup, you have been deprived (this plug is for love, not money).

Anyway, I’ve digressed. The bottom line is I feel better throughout the day, not the extremes highs and lows, a lot less anxious and probably a lot richer having given up my daily Starbucks (we all know how much I love them from my previous Starbucks blog). And yeah, my heart doesn’t seem to be racing as much. For the time being, I’m a little less wired,  and enjoying my newly found calmness.

- Wired Mommy

1 month a little less ‘Wired’

 

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